PERSONAL PROBLEMS
A passionate interest is shown by many persons in consulting anonymous advisers through the columns of various publications. Their inquiries are mainly as to small matters of etiquette, and the care of the complexion.
In one of the current women’s papers we find such questions as these:
“When one is introduced, how does one acknowledge the introduction?
Must it be by a mention of the weather? How should one receive a small
gift?” (x) All these by one breathless inquirer.
Another asks pathetically: “Will you tell me how soon after a husband’s death it is permitted to a widow to return formal calls? What is the present form of visiting cards for a widow?” (y)
Another rudderless ship, in a somewhat less recent issue of a very popular woman’s paper, writes: “I am wearing mourning. In the hot weather I find the veil very heavy and close, and wish to throw it back. What shall I do?” (z)
These are apparently bona fide questions, but in most cases they are answered in a style too palpably oracular. If the questioners are genuine and want help they get precious little. If it is merely a game, it seems rather a flat one. But the popularity of the pastime continues.
The Forerunner will give no answers to foolish questions; unless at peril of the asker. But to sincere inquirers, who are interested in some moot point of conduct, some balance of conflicting duties, honest attention will be given, and their questions answered as sincerely.
The intention is to promote discussion of the real problems of life, and to apply to them the new standards afforded by the larger knowledge and deeper religious sense of to-day.
If any of the above questions were sent to this office they would be thus dismissed:
(x) Read “How To Do It,” by E. E. Hale. Learn to be sincere; have real feelings and express them honestly.
(y) If you are truly prostrated by grief you cannot return calls. If you are able—and like to do it—what are you afraid of? Whose “permission” are you asking? See answer to x.
(z) Mourning is a relic of barbarism, kept up by women because of their retarded social development. But if you must wear a heavy veil and wish to throw it back—why don’t you?
These persons would be displeased and not write again. Truly. Such questions are not wanted by The Forerunner. They would discontinue their subscription. Doubtless. But this is a waste of anxiety, for such would never have subscribed for The Forerunner in the first place.
Suppose, however, that a question like this is sent in:
“I am a girl of twenty. My mother is an invalid. My father is in business difficulties. They want me to marry an old friend of father’s—a good man, but forty years older then I am. Is it my duty to marry him—for their sake?” (B)
Answer. (B) Marriage is not an institution for the support of parents, or the settling of business difficulties. If you loved that old man you would not be asking advice. To marry a man you do not love is immoral. Marriage is to serve the best interests of children and to give happiness to the contracting parties. If your parents need your financial aid go to work and give them your earnings, but do not make a business of matrimony.
Or again: Query. “My mother is a widow living on a moderate income. She has two married children, but does not like to live with them. I am a college graduate and wish to work at a profession. She says it is not necessary for me to work, and wants me to live with her—says she needs me, claims my filial duty. Is this right?” (F)
Answer. (F) No, it is dead wrong. Parental duty is a natural obligation—not a loan. Filial duty is the same from son and daughter. You owe your mother care and service if needed, just as your brother would. She has no more right to prevent your going to work than if you were a son. By all means live with her if you both like it, but live your own life. You have a duty of citizenship as well as of daughtership.
Or again: Query. “My wife is spending more of my income on dress than I can afford. How can I stop her?” (G)
There is not room to answer this in this issue.